We moved..... AGAIN!

 It's been a LONG time.  

My children are a major part of my life and they wanted more privacy.  So I stopped writing.  However, I have decided to write about me.... mostly. 

Let's catch-up:

In November 2023, Eric and I were discussing life and the subject of living closer to Ava, MO, came up.  I hopped online and immediately found a home that would suit us well.  We saw it and submitted an offer.  But the sellers chose a different buyer.  However, the seed was planted. It was time to move.  

I found a wonky home less than 3 minutes from our church building in February 2024.  It would work for us!  But it was in need of extensive updating.

The list price lowered and we submitted an offer in May 2024.  We listed our house the next day.

Our house never did get completed.  One thing was left undone: baseboards. Oh well.

We received a low ball offer that we declined to entertain.   Then a more reasonable offer: yes, but with a contingency.  Then a higher offer from the first people.  We ultimately sold our house to the first people in October.  

Complications between the owner, and elderly man and his son (who was living in thd badement) prevented us from buying the house we were under contract for. 

We ( Eric, I, and 4 adult sized children) moved into a quaint, rather small (less than 900 sq ft), 2.5 bedroom, 1 bathroom, rental house, not knowing how long we would be there.  Most of our belongings went into storage and our animals and farm equipment went to temporary housing tganks to wonderful and extremely generous friends.

Eric and I continued the search for a home while hoping for the house we had an offer on.  We looked at a lot of maybe homes over the course of a few months but nothing compared to the one we wanted. In February 2025, while I was in California, TWO houses with potential entered the market.  I sent Eric to see them.  Our agent vetoed one.  By this time she knew my preferences well and I fully trusted her judgement.  Eric was not so excited about the other one, but asked me to go take look the day after returning from CA.  I LOVED IT!  And at least 2 others did as well.  We submitted an offer that evening and WE were accepted!  The down side was that the seller wanted 60 days before closing.  That was a long wait!

Click here to see a picture.  

We purchased our home on Friday, May 2, 2025.  

Click here to take a 2 minute tour of our house.

Rennovation here we come!  New kitchen.  New master with bath and walk-in closet.  New flooring, wall texture, and paint throughout.   

We will live in our 32'x50' shop, which is almost twice as big as our rental, while we renovate our house.

Temple and Priesthood Preparation Meeting

Temple and Priesthood Preparation Meeting

Here is my full meeting plan.

After doing the rock climbing idea, I created my own to that layout.

You are welcome to copy and/or use any of the materials below for your T & PH Prep Meeting

General Invitation: click here and scroll down

Personalized Invitation: click here and scroll down

I found a couple of invitations that I liked, but wanted to incorporate CAIRNS. My 16 year old daughter designed exactly what I asked for.  I have them printed on photo paper and snail mail them.

Program and other Handouts: click here and scroll down

Letter to Parents: click here

Introduction to CAIRNS talk: click here

Youth rotations (all): click here and scroll down

        DIRECTION: Recognizing the Holy Ghost

        HONOR GOD: Understanding the Priesthood and Priesthood Blessings

        ESTABLISHING BOUNDARIES: Priesthood Ordinances and Responsibilities

        SAFETY: Making and keeping covenants

Closing remarks, inspiring quotes, and some of my own thoughts: click here

The purpose of this meeting is to help “children understand the 

blessings of temple service, 

priesthood service, 

and making and keeping sacred covenants.”

Possible topics

“priesthood purposes, 

responsibilities, 

ordinances, 

and blessings

This meeting is for the children turning 12.However, the youth are a wonderful resource that can have a great impact on the children moving into Young Men and Young Women.  Involving the youth in this meeting not only helps the children recognize and get to know the youth while preparing for the priesthood and for the temple; it helps the youth to teach what they believe by giving them the opportunity to contemplate their experiences and share what they know about the temple and the priesthood.

I felt prompted to wait until I saw the new Youth theme for 2023.  The image is a cairn! 

Theme: CAIRNS

At first, I was unimpressed.  Then I did a little research.  There is a lot you can do with CAIRNS!

I spoke with the YW president and with the priest quorum advisor about what topics were most important for the children coming into YM and YW, and also for the youth.  And developed 4 talk/presentation ideas.

I read that attention spans are shorter than we would like to think. 10 minute Rotations seem to be about the right amount of time for all involved. Walking between rotations helps break things up. Changing locations helps retain what is presented.

I go into opening exercises at Youth Activities, list all "job openings" for the T & PH prep meeting, and ask for volunteers. I ask that 1 young man and 1 young woman present at each rotation.

I provide goodie bags for each child moving into YM and YW. They will receive a list of the temple recommend questions, a For the Strength of Youth Guidebook, a True to the Faith book, a copy of the YM or YW theme to put in their scriptures, quotes about temples, etc. They will also receive additional gifts at the end of each rotation. This year it is a rock or 2 to build their own cairn.

This was a large meeting in our ward, about 90 people. I live in a rural area and invited the families of all involved - no cranky people with hungry bellies, please!. If your ward is closer, you may want to just invite those involved.

If you made it this far:  Wow! you are thorough.  Good for you.  I hope you can use some of what I have posted.  I wish you well in creating a special and memorable day for the upcoming Youth in your ward. 

The Church of Jesus Christ or Latter-day Saints (lds)

TEMPLE baptisms, SDC, and a birthday

 We had an AMAZING week!

We started out with making goat milk ice cream, the first since we began milking again.  We don't get as much milk from our current Nigerian Dwarf goat as we have from other NDs in the past.  However, we are getting milk!  The ice cream turned out pretty good.

My helper got to drink the little bit of milk left over.

The St. Louis Temple opened phase 2-b.  Our family was super excited to go. So much so that we were trying to make appointments before the online scheduler was open.  On the designated day of scheduling, we attempted and refreshed the page often.  The online scheduler turned on.  Eric secured the very first appointment possible!  We went with another family, the Wilbers, in our ward, and we all rode together in their van for the 3 1/2 hour drive.   

                    

We arrived a few minutes early, so we took a picture in front of the temple.

Amelia and Elanor have been doing a lot of searching for and finding of relatives so that their temple work might be done.  Amelia felt strongly that some names HAD to be done that day.  When we arrived at the temple, Temple President Thomas said that there were people on the other side of the veil awaiting the day to come that we would perform their work for them.   This confirmed Amelia's impressions.

The Spirit was particularly strong.  Entering the temple and standing just inside the doors quickly became emotional for me.  It was so very nice to, once again, be the Lord's holy house.  Everyone was purposeful and reverent.  All the names that Amelia wanted to have done were completed, and many more.  Everyone seemed to be affected.  The temple president and matron of the temple, the recorder, Brother Nehring and many of us, if not all, sensed the presence of those people whom we were performing baptisms and confirmations for.  It was glorious!  The gratitude and joy of the experience was overwhelming.  This is a day I will remember.

I am grateful for the opportunity we have to link our families together forever through the power of the restored priesthood of God.

The drive home was really nice being all together too.  We got to share and visit all the more.  

We went to Silver Dollar City amusement park with a neighboring family.  Our family had a great time.  I think their family enjoyed themselves.  Roller coasters were not appealing to some though.  It was nice that the mask guidelines, seating, and distancing were not as strict as when Eric and the boys went last year.

Seth bought a punch pass for yummy food.  He certainly enjoyed it!

Heart shaped potatoes for lunch! 

Elanor turned 15!  We traditionally wake up family members with balloons and singing the Happy Birthday song to them.  

The only evidence of Elanor was her foot.

Oh there she is!

My mother, Anne, makes the best cheesecake ever!  Many have tried to duplicate the cake, and usually fall short in some area or other.  Elanor has managed to replicate the cake like a pro!  And since this particular cheesecake needs to be refrigerated for a minimum of 24 hours, it was ready for breakfast!

Scott and Naomi had their soccer tournament.  Their team placed 2nd.  The teams were much more evenly matched this season, which made for some close games.  Naomi had fun learning defense.  Her take: "If the ref doesn't call a hand ball, just keep playing."  Scott is a really impressive goalie.  He has not hit his growth spurt yet and physically cannot protect all parts of the goal, yet he let very few balls get by him.  He made some really amazing, almost unbelievable blocks.  

Elanor set up her snack stand and was able to cover her costs and even make a profit. 

We ended Elanor's birthday (and the week) by going out to dinner and then gorging on more cheesecake.

Prom, a birthday, and a variety show act

 Hello,

I am struggling to get back in the habit of writing weekly.  I plan to write on Sundays, and then Sunday ends up being my longest, busiest day of the week.  Thankfully, I can repent and try again.  Thanks for your patience with me.  Then I thought, Why write it in an email?  I stopped writing on my blog because my onions greatly resisted every time I tried to get a picture.  However, I am going to try again.

We are still trying to get all the gravel brought in that we need for our driveway.  The guy is a friend and brings it when he can.  It is slow going, but hopefully cheaper than hiring someone else.  Eric and I decided that we would fill in the compacted lull in the front of our house with gravel too.  I have had a couple of ideas about how to do the border to transition from grass to gravel.  The first was to intermingle discs of tree trunks in with the gravel. It looks neat, but it's not practical for me to get things level and have them stay level, and also be able to replace them as they rot.  The second was to cut smaller trees in 8" to 12" sections and bury them vertically, making a distinct border.  However, the edge includes some rather large trees.  Digging into the roots is nearly impossible and unwise.  So I decided to go back to my original idea of tree trunk discs, but use them as the border only.  And.....  we have one load of gravel that our wonderful neighbor spread and flattened for us. But we need at least one more load.  So things are on hold for now.

In the mean time, I cut down a rather large cedar tree.  Scott helped cut off many of the almost countless limbs.  Naomi helped drag them to the trailer and dump them at our burn pile.  I cut discs as we progressed.

​Amelia went to Church Prom.  All the girls were invited to one house to get ready.  It was hectic, but fun. Amelia went to Prom in a triple date group.  All "couples" went as friends.  Amelia had a WONDERFUL time.  She was smiling ear to ear when her date dropped her off.  We got to hear all about it for about 45 minutes.  But at midnight Eric and sent everyone still up off to bed.

They danced a bit in their group and noticed MANY people along the wall that did not come with a date.  They decided to dance with those who were not.  Amelia's date would point out a boy for her and she would point out a girl for him.  Fun stories there..... She made friends with a chicken guy and a car guy.  And managed to evade being asked for her number.  Then at the end of the dance, her group noticed a handful of adults cleaning up and realized all the effort that would take.  They stayed and helped.  They helped so much that they missed their reservation at the intended restaurant and ended up grabbing fast food on the way back in an effort to get everyone back by the agreed upon times.

  

Amelia's date had his wisdom teeth pulled earlier in the week and his cheeks were super chubby.  

She made him feel at ease by having chubby cheeks too.  Ok, not really, but it was funny.

There are some really beautifully manicured places out here.  

The home that we gathered at is one such place!

Amelia plays the organ for Sacrament meeting at church.  Eric and I have taken her to church to practice quite a bit.  Last week, Brother Veech, in the bishopric, called and asked if I would be home.  He brought an organ for Amelia!  Unfortunately, she was not home at that time.  But we got it in and set up and ready to surprise her.  She was speechless!  Now she can practice at home.  And because it has a headphone jack, she can practice at all hours of the day and night instead of having quiet time limits (before everyone is up and after people head to bed.)

Seth is getting more business.  Although, it comes in waves.  More calls and more jobs!  I am hopeful he will be able to build his business.  He is "adulting" while living at home and we are all learning how to navigate that pretty well.

Second winter came and went.  The trees were all budded out and we got snow and 2 days of below freezing nights.  It was pretty, but I am concerned about planting fruit trees.  I really want to.  If I have fruit trees, I want fruit.  So I will have to figure out the latest blooming trees and get those.  I have almost completely cleared the hillside behind our garden space.  I need to get trees SOON!

I plan to till the garden area this week to be ready for warm weather planting.  Many people plant early, but Mothers day weekend is safest to avoid any frost.

Elanor had an orthodontist appointment on the day it snowed.  The whole reason she got braces was to address one tooth in her mouth that was growing backwards rather than up.  We had the baby teeth removed.  It did not surface.  So we were sent to an oral surgeon.  The paperwork was a little different than I expected.  The orthodontist said he wanted a chain to be attached to the tooth to be pulled up into place, and to take a look at the wisdom teeth.  The oral surgeon staff was adamant that the orthodontist said to extract the wisdom teeth and take a look at the other tooth to see if they could put a chain on it or just extract it.  The oral surgeon decided that he could not save the tooth, so extraction it was.  The orthodontist didn't seem to be bothered when he next saw Elanor.  So I went in to ask about it this last time.  Well I jumped on the hamster wheel.  The oral surgeon blamed the paperwork and the orthodontist seemed very surprised and blamed the oral surgeon.  In any event, I trusted what the doctors told me and the tooth was yanked and there is no going back.  So I paid for braces on a mouth that was not bad at all to start with, then for multiple tooth extractions, and she will get a spacer and will need an implant.  I am SO frustrated with the whole situation.  Especially because I asked the orthodontist before we signed up for braces if we could just yank the tooth and move on.  I wanted Elanor to have the best possible outcome and chose braces.  She will certainly end up with a perfectly beautiful smile.  However, I feel manipulated and taken advantage of.

Naomi and Scott bought a water rocket.  Super fun!  It has the potential to go about 150 feet in the air.  I think they got it to about 120.

You can watch the 13 second video. Click here.

Naomi has had a difficult time in her Wednesday church activity group.  It is for girls ages 7 to 11.  She is the only 11 year old and is rather mature for her age.  Her friends are 2 years older and in the youth program.  Last year was a tough year without her best friend, but this year has been almost unbearable.  Naomi missed the cutoff by 5 days.

The next oldest girl in Naomi's group is over a year and a half younger.  There are 3 girls that come regularly and their families are very close.  They don't intend to hurt Naomi's feelings, but their desire to be with each other excludes Naomi.  

Naomi has cried herself to sleep more often than not on Wednesday nights because of the exclusion and rejection, combined with the longing to be with her friends.  Our  Young Women's president (and our bishop) recently invited Naomi to join the youth program.  She very quietly and uneventfully left Primary and is now attending classes and activities with the teens.  She will not be able to go to the temple until next year and she does not get to go to the stake girls camp, but she accepted the exceptions happily.

Eric and I have noticed a dramatic difference in Naomi.  She is generally happier, more eager to help - often seeing a need and filling it without being asked, less provoked to anger, smiles a LOT more, and best of all no crying.  We asked her about it.  She said she had been making an effort to get more sleep.  This happened around the time she entered the youth program.  The combination of sleep and changing programs has been wonderful for her.

​Scott is now officially a teenager!  The big ONE THREE!  

Scott and Naomi play soccer and they were supposed to have a tournament on his birthday, but it got rained out.  We didn't DO much for his birthday but we had a nice day.  He originally decided to go to a local diner, but then we got to talking and reminiscing about ​birthdays past.  The first birthday in Missouri came up.  We all really enjoyed that restaurant.  We looked it up and realized it was the same restaurant the Prom group was going to go to.  Scott decided he wanted to go to that restaurant.  We arrived to learn that the local high school was having prom that night.  We didn't wait too long, but the restaurant was extremely busy and slightly understaffed.

We returned home for cake.  Scott asked for chocolate cake.  I made it, and the frosting too.  The cake was quite rounded and I tried to fill in the gaps with frosting.  Scott decided he liked it without frosting on top.  Not quite backwards, but definitely unique!

   

     

Yesterday was my last official day as Primary music leader, at church.  

In October, we tried singing time with requiring masks to sing and humming if not wearing a mask.  It did not work.  Then, in January, we cut singing time and had only class time.  Three weeks ago, we returned to regular Primary: with no mask requirement, music time, class time, changing classes, and nursery.  

I had the BEST day leading music on Sunday!  I cannot carry a tune, I sing off key, I am a total hot mess, and we have no pianist to help keep me on track.  

However, I am confident in my ability to TEACH!  

I texted one particular mom, telling her how much I enjoy her boys in Primary.  She informed me that her 3 year old was (at that very moment) dancing around, singing the words to one of the songs I had taught in church.  It melts my heart that I get to play a part in gospel instruction of the children in our ward (congregation).

And a MUST WATCH....  The youth had a "variety show."  This was the Larsen's act!

You can watch the 4 minute video. Click here.

Church meetings and Primary, in the midst of a pandemic

 

When covid-19 swept onto the scene in mid-March, everything came to a screeching halt - especially where church was concerned. Church abruptly stopped.  Meetings were cancelled.  Schools shut down and took to the internet. Businesses closed, hoping to weather the storm.

I live in a township with 11 people per square mile. We are living a socially distanced life! We home-school and live a half hour from the nearest town (population 3,000) where we can shop for groceries and attend church.

My bishop (leader of our local congregation) was on top of things! We were up and running with leadership meetings online without skipping a beat. Throughout the previous months of life affected by covid, we have turned to the Lord and sought His guidance.  We have reached out to many, we met needs as best as possible as they presented themselves, and we reported back.

I am the Primary president in our ward. Our Primary presidency decided to DO the following.

1. ask and encourage teachers to reach out to the children in their classes on a regular (weekly if possible) basis. (Calls, texts, letters, but not lesson material, just fellowship. - "Family centered, church supported")

2. ask the activity leaders to make contact to express love and encourage goal setting

3. to keep in contact, and check up on the families with primary aged children as a presidency. (Our secretary made assignments and we rotated every couple of months or so.)

All contact was intended to express love, grow and continue to build relationships, to encourage daily immersion in the scriptures and use of the Come Follow Me program.

That's it. Super simple.




PRIMARY MUSIC WITH SUNDAY HOME/FAMILY WORSHIP:

I am also the Primary music leader. 

(This could be an entire series of posts - Music leader was not my choice,  I am practically tone deaf.  I am by far the weakest singing link in my family.  Yet the Holy Ghost appointed me.  I am EXTREMELY self conscious about my lack of singing ability.)

Each week, I sent out an email with the songs we would have been singing in Primary along with some ideas of how to "teach it" at home. This gave me weekly communication with the parents of the Primary children, and an chance to communicate any announcements, changes, or spiritual thoughts I felt impressed to share.  It also provided a weekly reminder to listen to gospel music.

Teacher contact and music continued even after we were meeting online for Sunday worship.




Then.....
I found myself thinking about the possibility of a Primary Program.


A PRIMARY PROGRAM 2020?

We counseled as a Primary presidency and came up with the idea to have families present the songs followed by the Primary aged children sharing a few words with the congregation. This met the social distancing guidelines and followed the Primary Sacrament meeting Presentation guidelines.  And it would allow us to move forward whether we were meeting online or in person. We presented it to the bishopric and it was approved.

You can read the initial letter I sent to the parents here.




MEETING IN PERSON:

We received authorization to meet in person in September. The councilor in the bishopric over Primary asked me for a plan (with back-ups) to return to church, full church, including Primary. I initially looked to others and asked others for ideas in order to formulate some ideas.

NOTHING.

I did not find anything online. I didn't (and still don't) know anyone personally who is meeting in person for both hours of church. Many people I know are attending Sacrament meeting and a shortened version at that. And some have recently started other Sunday meetings online.



We pondered and discussed as a presidency, and came up with the best way we thought would work for our Primary to meet when considering the covid guidelines for resuming in person meetings at church. We decided it was best to separate the children by family rather than by age. We contacted the teachers and leaders to see who would be joining us and consolidated classes which required fewer teachers while still maintaining 2 deep leadership, utilizing the Primary presidency. 

Our back up plan was to group children by family and use the classrooms as before,  switching between music time and lesson time.  That meant more rooms, more staff, more movement, and cleaning in between.

I strongly believe that no one should have to choose between their health concerns and serving in a calling at church.  Health and concerns about personal or family health come first!  I made it clear to each teacher that their health came first, and that if there were any concerns, that they should not be in Primary on Sunday.

You can read the portion of the letter sent out to parents about returning to Primary here. The teachers also received a similar letter.





WARD LOGISTICS:

We are utilizing our church building rather differently than we have in the past


Sacrament meeting: chapel and cultural hall

1st and 3rd

Sunday School - chapel

youth classes (3 classes with about 12 youth per class)

    Relief Society room

    Cultural hall

    Large "scout" room

Primary - Primary room

2nd and 4th

Relief Society - chapel

Elder's Quorum - cultural hall

Young Women - Relief Society room

Young men - various larger rooms

Primary - Primary room

I am in a relatively small Primary. We have just under 30 children attending. We have a plan to split the Primary and use the Young Women's room and have 2 music leaders and have 4  classes rather than our current 3. The Primary room is at capacity, but we have a plan if attendance increases. Every organization is where they are based on adequate space to accommodate them.

It is not my ideal, but we are making it work. The teachers are being super flexible, teaching lessons to greatly varied ages. The ward counsel reports on how things are going each week and we discuss solutions as needs arise. We are coming up with creative ideas to make meeting in person a continued possibility for our ward.

I know not all wards can do this because of numbers and space limitations, local covid guidelines, and other circumstances. Many other solutions are being implemented. I am just sharing my situation.




PRIMARY SACRAMENT MEETING PRESENTATION:

The Primary presidency decided on guidelines for talk content and length. We asked for a copy of each talk to assist in creating an order to follow and an idea for time. Turning in the talk was a requirement for participation. You can read the letter sent out here.


Notes:
Of the families not singing, none of the children or families elected to share a talk.

We based the talk guidelines on the number of children in each age group participating and also what an appropriate expectation would be. 

 

We offered a single practice after church the Sunday prior to the program for families to practice with the piano. Some chose to practice, some did not.

I also provided a flip chart of the words to the families that needed/wanted the words.

I have a friend who is also a Primary President. I shared my idea with her. She took it to her ward and they decided to have 2 to 3 families sing and share talks spread over a few weeks throughout the last quarter of the year.

I made some mistakes, a couple of really big ones.  Things did not go "perfectly."  And I learned a lot about myself and others in the process.  

PRIMARY PROGRAM REFLECTIONS

I LOVED IT!

One of my counselors spoke about our year in general, shared what we had been doing in Primary while not meeting in person, and introduced our Program. Then the families got up one by one.

I enjoyed seeing the dynamics and varying personalities in the different families.

My heart melted and emotions surged as these families, probably less comfortable than myself, got up and sang a song in front of the entire congregation. 

A mom whose husband was out of town picked up not one, but two of her little boys so they could be seen while singing.  

One family sings daily and their love of the song they sang was evident, The youngest boy was jumping and so excited about God! Another of their boys sang out loudly on his favorite part. They added sign language. The enthusiasm was awesome! I witnessed another boy in this family really struggle during the Primary program a couple of years ago. This year he was smiling, singing, and got right up to the mic and said his part. Wonderful!

A couple of families were a bit timid.  I can certainly relate to that.  The Primary children sang out and knew the words.

A family who is in the process of moving and doesn't have a permanent address even participated.

Another family filled the rostrum with youth and Primary children. It was a beautiful sight.  I could barely see one child.  Another experimented with the mic.  Others sang so nicely.  They did sign language too.  It was a real team effort.

The whole experience was truly inspiring: it was a showcase of how different families go about teaching and living the gospel in their own unique way - all different, striving for the same goal.  

So often we look to others for answers, or how to do things the "right way."  I tend to do this a lot.  However, I was reminded that when I turn to the Lord, He will guide me in what is right for my situation.  

It's not about the "right way."  It's not about what you think it should look like.  It's not about how things have been done in the past. 

As Elder Holland said:

“We are witnessing an ever greater movement toward polarity. The middle-ground options will be removed from us as Latter-day Saints. The middle of the road will be withdrawn.

“If you are treading water in the current of a river, you will go somewhere. You simply will go wherever the current takes you. Going with the stream, following the tide, drifting in the current will not do.

“Choices have to be made. Not making a choice is a choice. Learn to choose now.”

I choose the gospel of Jesus Christ. I choose worshiping my God. I choose sincere prayer and acting on the revelation (the ideas, thoughts and feelings that come as answers) that I receive when I ask.  I choose repentance and forgiveness.  I choose the harder right, rather than the easier wrong.  

It's just a mask..... Right?..... Not for me.

We resumed Sunday worship with much anticipation and an approved plan on July 5, 2020.

Masks were optional.  Few people wore masks. (9 out of over 60)

Then....

I received an email from my bishop on Wednesday.

                The Stake President "has requested that all members please wear masks to 

                Sunday meetings."

Up until now, I have been largely unaffected by covid-19 and all the regulations imposed by state and local governments and freedoms stripped from us.  We live in a rural area that has 11 people per square mile.  We are geographically distanced already.  I choose to avoid establishments that require masks as much as possible.  I am not sick, nor am I exhibiting "symptoms."

My first reaction was panic!

I was shocked that we would be subjected to the practice of mandatory mask wearing.  I was confronted with the fact that we are becoming subjects of tyranny.  This is all too real for me, not because of the mask request, but because of what the first step of a very slippery slope implies.  I am heartbroken that our country is no longer free.  I am heartbroken at the realization that the persecution has truly begun. 

During the last couple of weeks, I have had discussions with Eric and the onions about where to draw the line in preparation for when we are confronted with making tough decisions that seem to be coming.

I decided that I would draw the line at the ability to obey the commandments and keep my covenants.  

However, when the first sign of infringement on my individual rights was issued, I was overcome by the implications.  

Mentally I knew I had already decided that I would comply, but emotionally and spiritually I know what is happening is wrong and that it will only get worse.  I could understand, accept, and even expected a government issue.  

I had a plan: I would write letters to my elected leaders, mayor, state legislature, governor, and federal representative and senators.  (I did call the mayor, but he was not available).  I will write to my leaders, to let them know how I feel and where I stand on the issue of masks and diminished freedoms proactively rather than reactively.

I think my bigger issue was that the restriction of freedom came from the church!  I didn't expect it at all.  I thought we would comply as a church, not encourage or be proactive in the narrative. 

Tears, anxiety, overwhelm. 

It seems silly that I would react this way.  It it so much bigger than "just a mask."

This is a new experience.  I have always been in agreement with church policy.  I personally oppose wearing a mask.

 I wore a "face covering" to take Naomi to a doctor's appointment.  I felt stifled, hot, and uncomfortable wearing a mask, and my glasses kept fogging up.  I soon become a little light headed.  

Also, I am hard of hearing.  I was deaf as a child and learned to read lips.  I rely on reading lips in everyday conversation.   Masks muffle speech, making it almost impossible to understand anyone wearing a mask.

I thought I would write a letter to my bishop and stake president "letting them know my concerns."  I spent hours on this letter, and nothing seemed to convey well.  Eric suggested that he send an email.  RELIEF!  

BUT.... What am I missing?  What do I need to learn?

As part of my scripture study time, I was rereading a BYU speech: "In Him All Things Hold Together”  NEAL A. MAXWELL of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles  March 31, 1991

Elder Maxwell begins with:

                I wish to talk about your unfinished journey. It is the journey of journeys... 

                It is an arduous journey. The trek awaits—whether one is rich or poor, 

                short or tall, thin or fat, black or white or brown, old or young, shy or bold, 

                married or single, a prodigal or an ever faithful. Compared to this journey, 

                all other treks are but a brief walk in a mortal park or are merely time on a 

                telestial treadmill.
                                                Becoming Men and Women of Christ

His words inspired much introspection.  He talked about the attributes of Christ, what they are and what they are not.

He quotes this scripture:

Mosiah 3:19 

                And becometh a saint . . . submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, 

                willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him.

I also watched a July 5 2020 video of Rev. Danny Jones making all kinds of connections that I needed to apply to my life.

There are many parallels between Jeremiah's day and ours.  

Paul suffered much persecution, counseled several groups of people in his day and saw our day.  Romans 12 is particularly helpful.  Paul provides guidance for how to act and be. 

Daniel is a great example of one who knows when to draw the line.  He was subjected to many injustices and only drew the line when it came to worshiping his God.

As I read in the Book of Mormon daily, it is ever evident that there are parallels from their day to ours in almost every chapter.

Elder Holland's talk from April 2013 "Lord, I Believe" was exactly what I needed to be reminded of.

Elder Uchdorf's talk from October 2017 "Three Sisters"  was so very insightful and helpful.

Eric Informed our bishop that I was extremely anxious about the request to wear masks.  He asked if speakers would be wearing masks and if we had to wear a mask while seated 6 feet apart.  Answer:  The speakers will not being wearing masks at the pulpit, and I could remove my mask while seated.  

Deep Breath.  My concerns were no longer concerns.  

But the principle of wearing masks still lingered.

The words:

"Brace yourself, brace yourself."  from the preacher Dana Cornerstone come to mind.  

While some of our church leaders have said that we will overcome covid, my question is: "at what cost?" 

I am saddened that people are dying from covid.  I am saddened that people die of cancer and heart disease and accidents.

I am concerned about our freedoms, about the freedoms we have lost and are losing.  That we, as a society seem to distrust our neighbors, but choose to trust corrupt bureaucracy and experts to tell us what is best.  Millions have given their lives for the ideals and freedoms that our constitution provides.

If we do "go back to normal" I will be pleasantly surprised and extremely grateful.  Yet, my feeling is that our society will likely never be "the same."  Kind of like TSA after 9/11.  It is still around as a false sense of security at the price of our bodily privacy, and a REAL ID is required if you want to travel by plane.

Whatever the reason, we have been asked by church leaders that we wear masks.  I don't want to be a "sheeple."  I refuse to follow blindly, and I know my perspective is small.  I trust that they have a bigger picture, inspiration and stewardship.  I do not think they take these requests lightly.  I sustain them, and, I will be obedient, even if my personal beliefs and scientific knowledge are in disagreement.

I have accepted that being awake and aware does not have to mean resistance.  So many disciples and Christ Himself were persecuted.  

It can mean acceptance.  It can mean bearing injustice meekly.  

And it's okay to mourn the loss of freedom.  It's okay to be angry.  It's okay to allow myself to be overwhelmed at the implications of oppression. 

When it comes down to it, I would rather be righteous than right.

A beautiful friend worded it this way:

                I have strived to make my trials come from living but hopefully not from sin.  

                I want to repent quickly that my hard things in life are just the casualties of 

                mortal life in hope to purposefully avoid them from coming from the 

                consequences of willful wrong doings.  I know I'm not perfect but I hope with 

                this as a focus that I will do less and less to offend God.

                I want Him to accept me, and lead me and guide me.  I don't want to wander 

                where He cannot find me.  I want to listen to my Master's call!  I love Him.  

                I want to worthily be His!

So I Some positives have emerged:

I went from focusing my energy on overwhelm and anxiety, to focusing on preparing and doing what I can to provide for my family and set a better example for them.  I am not happy about what is going on.  I am concerned.  But I can do my part and strive to be faithful and be counted in the "remnant" of the righteous disciples of God.  

I hope to be like the people of Alma, always having a prayer in my heart and being blessed with the strength to bear my burdens.

At least this is how I feel now, anyway.

***************Information on masks. Please skip to the bottom if you don't care.

 I grew up in a family owned manufacturing company. Different masks for different purposes.  I currently wear a respirator when working with cleaning agents or construction materials because I am extremely sensitive to the chemicals in those products.  The following is not written by me, but I agree.  You can do a little research to disprove, verify, or strive to discern the truth.  I am sure several points of view are out there.

So Masks?

I am OSHA 10&30 certified. I know some of you are too. I don’t really know WHY OSHA hasn’t come forward and stopped the nonsense BUT I want to cover 3 things

• N95 masks and masks with exhale ports

• surgical masks

• filter or cloth masks

Okay, so upon further inspection, OSHA says some masks are okay and not okay in certain situations.

If you’re working with fumes and aerosol chemicals and you give your employees the wrong masks and they get sick, you can be sued.

• N95 masks: are designed for CONTAMINATED environments. That means when you exhale through N95 the design is that you are exhaling into contamination. The exhale from N95 masks are vented to breath straight out without filtration. They don’t filter the air on the way out. They don’t need to.

Conclusion: if you’re in Target and the guy with Covid has a N95 mask, his covid breath is unfiltered being exhaled into Target (because it was designed for already contaminated environments, it’s not filtering your air on the way out).

• Surgical Mask: these masks were designed and approved for STERILE environments. The amount of particles and contaminants in the outside and indoor environments where people are CLOGGING these masks very, VERY quickly. The moisture from your breath combined with the clogged mask will render it “useless” IF you come in contact with Covid and your mask traps it, YOU become a walking virus dispenser. Everytime you put your mask on you are breathing the germs from EVERYWHERE you went. They should be changed or thrown out every “20-30 minutes in a non sterile environment.”

• Cloth masks: I can’t even believe I’m having to explain this, but here it goes. Today, three people pointed to their masks as they walked by me entering Lowe’s. They said “ya gotta wear your mask BRO” I said very clearly “those masks don’t work bro, in fact they MAKE you sicker” they “pshh’d” me. By now hopefully you all know CLOTH masks do not filter anything. You mean the American flag one my aunt made? Yes. The one with sunflowers that looks so cute? Yes. The bandanna, the cut up t-shirt, the scarf ALL of them offer NO FILTERING whatsoever. As you exhale, you are ridding your lungs of contaminants and carbon dioxide. Cloth masks trap this carbon dioxide the best. It actually risks your health, rather than protect it. The moisture caught in these masks can become mildew ridden over night. Dry coughing, enhanced allergies, sore throat are all symptoms of a micro-mold in your mask.

-Ultimate Answer: 

*N95 blows the virus into the air from a contaminated person.

*The surgical mask is not designed for the outside world and will not filter the virus upon inhaling through it. It’s filtration works on the exhale, (Like a vacuum bag, it only works one way) but likely stops after 20 minutes, rendering it useless outside of a STERILE ENVIRONMENT (correct Becky, they don’t work in a bar, not even a little bit).

*Cloth masks are WORSE than none. It’s equivalent to using a chain link fence to stop mosquitoes.

The CDC wants us to keep wearing masks. The masks don’t work. They’re being used to provide false comfort and push forward a specific agenda. For the love of God, research each mask’s designed use and purpose, I bet you will find NONE are used in the way of “viral defense.”

Just like EVERY Flu season kids, wash your hands. Sanitize your hands. Don’t touch stuff. Sanitize your phone. Don’t touch people. And keep your distance. Why? Because your breath stinks, your deodorant is failing, your shoes are old and stink, that shirts not clean, & I like my space. Trust me I can hear you from here. Lots of reasons to keep your distance and work on body hygiene. But trust me, the masks do not work.

*Occupational Safety & Hazard Association sited.

The top American organization for safety.

They regulate and educate asbestos workers, surgical rooms, you name it.

I know, facts suck. They throw a wrench into the perfectly (seeming) packaged pill you are willingly swallowing. Facts make you have to form your OWN OPINION, instead of regurgitating someone else’s, and I know how uncomfortable that makes a lot of you. If your mask gives you security, by all means wear it. Just know it is a false sense of security and you shouldn’t shame anyone into partaking in such “conspiracies.”

If select politicians stopped enforcing it, no one would continue this nonsense.

**************

I resolved that I would wear a "mask" to church today.  Everywhere I have ever gone that required masks, accepted "face coverings."  AKA my bandanna.  I jokingly threatened to wear my respirator to church.  But this morning, on my way out, I felt impressed to take the respirator.

There are SO many varying degrees of obedience and personal opinions on the efficacy of wearing a mask.  I walked into the church building wearing my respirator.  One person was caught by surprise and gasped while laughing at me.  I was not required to wear my mask in ward council this morning. But I dutifully put it back on the exit the room to walk to the assigned room where I was to sit for Sacrament meeting.

My family had arrived.  My husband had a bandanna around his face.  He was told that it was not good enough and he switched to a synthetic mask.  Had I not been wearing my respirator, I would have left because I was not going to wear anything else.

I observed people wearing N95 type masks - knowing that their breath is spewing out, unfiltered, all over the place.  I saw cloth masks of all kinds.  I'm not sure I saw any surgical masks.

And then there was me.  Many gave me curious looks, but none questioned my mask.  I sat down and in a middle row.  I didn't want to be shunned if I removed my mask.  I use it when I need to and I am comfortable wearing it, so I kept it on. 

My mask is a P100, particulate filter (99.97% efficiency level).  Effective against all particulate aerosols. For chlorine, chlorine dioxide, hydrogen chloride, hydrogen fluoride, organic vapors.  This mask makes life bearable for me.  Just this week Eric was using a chemical reaction of 2 liquids to join pvc pipes.  I walked into the house and felt like I hit a brick wall.  I immediately put on my mask and was able to breathe without being overcome by chemicals.  Yay!  It really does work for what it is designed to do.  My mask is old, and while it works, I looked into replacing it.  They are scarce!  But I haven't seen anyone wear anything similar to it in public.

I was apprehensive about church.  I sincerely wanted to be uplifted and spiritually fed.  I did not want to sit, festering and focused on my resentment of "being obedient" when I disagree with wearing masks.  I was pleasantly surprised that I was ok and readily attentive.  But I heard SO many remarks implying that the whole mask thing is ridiculous.  I probably inadvertently said a few things I would regret as well.   (I don't remember).  

I got to thinking... do those types of comments sustain our leaders?  I will be better about that next week.

This week has been one of the most confusing, crushing, and conflicting weeks of my life.  To be in opposition with my church and it's policy is something I have never experienced before.  I am not a sheeple!  I will not blindly follow, I never have.  I strive for personal revelation and confirmation for myself.

I have created a measuring stick using Daniel as my example.  He drew the line when what he was told conflicted with keeping the commandments.  

Do I disagree with wearing a mask?  YES!  

Does wearing a mask (whatever the reason) prevent me from worshiping my God?  NO!.

So I choose to bear my burdens humbly.  I look forward to the lesson I will realize and the perspective I will gain as a result of my choice to continue to sustain my church leaders and wear a mask to church on Sunday as long as they ask me to do so.

If you are in conflict over this issue, I hope something I have written helps in some small way.  

I implore you to turn toward to Lord and not away from Him.